Update (updated on 18 July)

Hello there,

I'm thought that I'd update you on my progress over the past couple of weeks (since my last blog post).
http://daisyalpha.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-empire-strikes-back.html

Some emerging themes in that post were:
-- A desire to return to a positive routine
-- My beard growing and requiring more and more attention
-- A slightly disturbing relationship with my car

Well, nothing has changed amongst this lot.

I've re-established a positive routine.
-- I've been MTB'ing 3 x since my last post.
-- I'm going to bed at a reasonable hour, and I'm getting up before 9am
-- I'm setting small goals, and achieving them
-- I've set some slightly larger goals, and I'm contemplating larger goals again

My beard is still growing.  I spend far more time washing than I'd like too..maybe I need some special shampoo??

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Added on Friday 18 July
MORE about my positive routine and related matters!
Yes, more. There's been more good things that I forgot to mention.

• Mid way through last week I found myself feeling angry. I haven't been angry for a long time.  Anger is MUCH better than numb
• Around the same time I noticed that I was sick feeling like I do and being how I am.  This is also a big deal - you may remember me saying that "my frustration about my situation is muted".  Thus, feeling my frustration was and is great.
• I had an explosion of feeling when riding Stage 3 of the Tour de Dicky on Monday.  Stage 3 was around the local velodrome...so I was listening to music.  A track came on that had me feel the highest of highs.  I felt like Superman, I could do anything, I had limitless confidence and optimism.  Then it stopped.
• Stage 4 of the Tour de Dicky was at Lystefield on Tuesday.  My ride couldn't have been much better.  Their was 'hero dirt' - dirt that had a LOT of traction.  No matter how hard I threw my bike in to a corner it gripped - it was phenomenal.
• Tour de Dicky = https://www.facebook.com/richard.day.3762?hc_location=timeline
• Last weekend and on Monday I wrote down my goals for this week.  I didn't all of my goals, but I've had many micro wins. Actually, the very fact that goals 'came' to me, and that doing them didn't seem 'too hard' is a win, a big win.  
• There are a number of things that I'm looking forward to. 

 end
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Now, I don't want to let you down *coughs* by not mentioning a podcast...here's one I listened to while riding around the velodrome yesterday.

http://www.npr.org/2013/02/11/171702111/an-autopsy-of-detroit-finds-resilience-in-a-struggling-city

• It is an interview of a remarkable man, a family man, a man of his community, a wonderful journalist, a natural communicator
• It tells the story of Detroit - a city that embodies many of the things that have resulted in the US's moral and economic decline, and what I hope isn't Australia's decline...   
• ...It also describes simple values, belief's and actions that can be a component of arresting a decline, and can allow society to build.

Getting even heavier...related to Australian politics.

From my listening and observation, the influence of rabid ideology and individual wealth is inreasinly apparent in US politics.  I've even heard it said that an individual or group could dictate (or arrange) the Presidential Candidate(s). Scary, very scary.***

It disturbs me that in Australia the Palmer United Party, a party formed and backed by a VERY wealthy mining magnate, holds the 'balance of power' in Australia's Senate, our Upper House.  This week they may be a part of repealing the Carbon Tax, and changing how it may come in to effect in the future.  Whatever your views on the Carbon Tax, I don't think that this is good 'governance'.  I firstly don't like this corporate influence, and I secondly don't like that policy is dictated by a few individuals.  I didn't like it in the lower house with the Gillard Govt, I didn't like it with Geoff Shaw and the Victorian Govt..and I don't like it in the current Federal Senate.  In my view, if a Party is voted into power, they should be able to implement their vision.  If, in hindsight, the masses don't like what the Govt has done, they can vote in the other mob.  NOW, if you or I don't like the view of the masses...then that's a different problem entirely...which I may address it in a future post.


*** In the US, the Koch brothers influence all links in the political chain.  They fund research at Universities, they fund think-tanks to translate research into policy, they fund 'organised' and 'grassroots' lobby & advocacy groups, they fund candidate recruitment arms...and so on.  They were a part of forming the Tea Party, and Americans for Prosperity.  Their influence impacted on the the mess that was the Govt Shutdown last year. 

http://www.npr.org/2014/05/21/314574217/how-the-koch-brothers-remade-americas-political-landscape

http://www.wnyc.org/story/koch-brothers-money-and-political-influence/

The Empire Strikes Back

Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted, 18 May, which would make it 6 or so weeks.

What’s been going on, you may ask?

I have a significant amount of facial hair.  Upon arriving back from the US, I became frustrated with my beard, and shaved it off.  I then missed it, and immediately started to grow it again.  I now have ~6 months growth…and yes…I am frustrated with it, but I don’t want to get ride of it.  I just measured one of the longer hairs at 65mm, that’s a lot of mm.   It requires an amount of maintenance, shampoo, conditioner and combing.  Given the amount of maintenance my hair requires, this beard business is a bit of a chore.

My car, Yuri, Yuri the Skoda Yeti (where Skoda is a Czechoslovakian brand…now owned by VW…who even have a controlling interest in Porsche) is in day-care with Skoda Richmond, having some matters tended to under warranty.  I believe that they’ll even give him a bath – he’s very fortunate isn’t he?  I was feeling guilty yesterday so I vacuumed him and cleaned his interior.  Once he’s been bathed he’ll only need a polish to look like new.

Winter has now arrived in Melbourne.  Until last week we had an “Indian Autumn spreading in to Winter” – if such a thing exists…I’d like to think it could.  I want summer back.  It’s interesting to ponder how much I’d pay for it to be summer.

The last time that I was “well” was in mid summer.  Wasn’t that a magnificent segway into my mental health!   I’ve been on a slow roller coaster since I last update you, and there have been faster roller coasters on the slow roller coaster.  I’ve just exited a roller coaster ride that started a week or so ago, that’s part of a ride that started around the time of my last post.  This longer ride relates to a 3-week 2-night per week course that I did that’s a highly applied form of mindfulness and Cognitive Therapy.   It turns out that the act of digging around in my ‘myths’ or ‘false beliefs’ or matters that give rise to shame (as I’ve mentioned in my last 2 posts) isn’t serving me – I lost many of my good habits during this time, I fell of the little platform that I’d built for myself.  My counselor advised me that Cognitive Therapy isn’t for everyone at all times, and as such is one reason for why mindfulness treatments are becoming more & more popular.  I may write more about this in the future.

I’ve mentioned before that I numb-out or lose perspective, this happens for different time scales and on different levels.  It’s happened to the point where my situation doesn’t register with me – I don’t feel anger or frustration or much of a sense of loss.  That’s seriously f****d-up.  It’s not good.

This sounds like a good time to share with you a revised list of my symptoms or “indicators”.

Indicators?  Yes, indicators.  After my aforementioned month-long dip, I decided that I needed a ‘formalised’ set of ‘wellness measures’ or ‘indicators’ to track my progress.  Provided that I remember to check them and track them over time, they’ll indicate if I’m improving or if I’ve further ‘numbed out’ or lost perspective (as I’ve earlier called it).

I haven’t yet prepared the measures, but they’ll be based on the following – which are slightly more detailed than a set of symptoms I posted earlier this year. 

Key Symptoms / Negative Indicators

1. Loss of perspective / my world becomes smaller:
1. My frustration about my situation is very, very limited
2. I don’t ‘notice’, I’m not very mindful
3. My memory is very poor, and I struggle to make connections
4. I subconsciously shut-down or self-sabotage e.g.:

                        1.    I forget my purpose & goals

                        2.    I forget my schedule/routine,

                        3.    I forget about things that I’d like to do

                        4.    I forget to contact people, or it doesn’t occur to me

2. Easily ‘overwhelmed’ e.g. I feel anxious, like things are “too much, too difficult, overwhelming”
3. Thoughts of life being too hard / too much pain / why bother living for “this”
4. Feel detached from society
5. Extremely limited desire to be social
6. The concept of work is alien / too hard
7. Lack of motivation 
8. Lack of enjoyment of usual pastimes & things that “ground me”.  I struggle to do them / they seem harder to do than they are  
9. Feel physically awful & drained / mentally awful
10. My memory is very poor, and I struggle to make connections
11. Desire to stay up late, well beyond midnight, ease of which this happens

These indicators, and my desire to track them are part of a larger plan.  I’ve previously written here about a plan.  That plan had a whole bunch of actions, and was full of things to “do”.  However, the actions weren’t directly linked to upstream goals.  The ‘what’ didn’t have a corresponding ‘why’ that drove the ‘what’.

I’ve fixed that.  Seriously fixed it. I’ve almost completed writing a ‘Business Plan’ for myself.  In the plan, my daily actions cascade down from: my Values -> Purpose -> Goals -> Enabling Goals (for wellness) -> Treatment Areas/Approaches -> to actions & daily actions.  The plan also includes measurement & reporting, challenges/risk areas, and support.  I’m working with my counsellor to firm up & prioritise the ‘Treatment Areas/Approaches’, and then the ‘actions & daily actions’.  I’m very happy with how it’s progressing.

So, while the 3-week course gave me short-term pain, it’s resulted in a powerful plan and an understanding of that too much Cognitive Therapy isn’t helpful for me at the moment.

How about some other good news?  Ok then, since my last update:

·     I’ve done several longer rides back-to-back, 3 days of 2-hour rides each day

·     I’ve done 2 rides down Beach Road

·     I’ve done my first real MTB ride in 4 months

·     There’s probably more…but I can’t remember!

Now, are you impresses that I've managed to write a blog post without linking back to a previous post?  Are you impressed that I've written a post without referring to a single Podcast.  I'm very impressed.

Time to go and pick-up Yuri from day-care.

‘Til next time, here’s a video of some delightfully happy baby goats jumping on a horse’s back.

http://m.wimp.com/goatshorse/